Tuesday, February 28, 2012

My Daddy Walks on Water

My father is a gazelle, and he floats on water. Correction. He walks on grass like he’s walking on water. He doesn’t just walk, he glides, each step taking him farther from me and closer to an unseen goal. He’s discovered the mystery behind Jesus’ methods and I don’t think faith is behind it. My father’s no holy figure, but everyday he turns water into Kool-aid and heals wounds with band-aids. My father may be the only miracle worker I have ever known. My daddy is a magician. One time he showed me the great disappearing trick. 15 years later, I’m still waiting for him to come back.

But from farther down the road I can hear him calling to me. “Sissy, you can walk on water, too.”

And so I take my first steps, tentative at first, and then firm and unfailing, knowing that I will not fall. And I yell back to him, unsure of whether or not he can hear me, but eager to tell the world anyways.

I walk on grass like I’m walking on water, each step is taking me a bit farther down this road called life, and closer to my goal with each step that I make, a stereotype I break. Most people tell me that I will never make it, well, excuse me, but please explain my success, tell me, did I fake it? I’m just following these footsteps in the grass, and when I get scared I hold my own hands, because uh. Sometimes you have to be there for yourself, after all, sometimes no friends show up when the rest of the world walks out. I’ve remained strong in spirit and I’ve done it on my own, excuse me daddy, but I’ve got to walk on my own road.

I hope he understands, because I am his daughter, but I am not his choice. I do not embody every decision he has ever made, because I make my own.

Mr. Someday, or, My Forever Fairytale

I love you more than I love lemonade on a hot summers day. I think of you and I see visions of red front doors with pretty wreaths on them, smiling children, all dressed up for the holiday season, and everyone’s laughing, and life is the reason. I imagine old Victorian houses with huge lawns where we can have decorative ponds and our kids can play leap frog with the neighbors, who we don’t mind, because they are all just so well behaved. I see long road trips to nowhere just to say that we went somewhere and when mommy and daddy can’t take a vacation, the family goes on a weekend staycation, because that’s how much we’ll all love each other. When I look at you, I see the life my mother never got to lead, the one with the fairytale ending. But I don’t think I want the happily ever after part, because that means it’ll end, and I don’t ever want it too. I look at you, and I see the fairytale that never ends.

Monday, February 20, 2012

Defying Gravity.

    To everyone who ever told me I wasn't going to do anything in life because of my circumstances -
You were wrong. I made it. I graduated high school and moved onto college. The college of MY choice. I've been pushed down, but as the saying goes "fall down seven times, stand up eight". And that's what I did. I stood back up. And I'm going to keep standing up, and I'm not going to let anyone or anything keep me down, because I know exactly what I want out of my life, and I'm going to get it, with or without your approval.
So many people told me over the course of my life that I could never amount to anything, that because of how I was raised most of my life that I was going to fail, because that's what my mother did, and that's all I knew how to do. But they were wrong. Your expectations of me made me try harder, because I knew that I had to prove everyone wrong. And I did. I did not fail then, and I will not fail now.
I'm on my way up, and nothing's going to stop me.
In fact, as Idina Menzel sings in the best musical ever created "tell them how I'm defying gravity, this time I'll try defying gravity, and no one in the land of Oz, no wizard that there is or was, is ever going to bring me down." No one will ever bring me down again.
I know I've messed up a couple of times, and I know I haven't gone where I've been expected to go, but my family and friends won't let me fail, and they are going to keep lifting me up, and keep telling me that I can do anything that I put my mind to. Like my grandma said, "setbacks are just bumps in the road, and you're just going to have to take a more creative route to get back to where you were." So yes, I've messed up, and yes, sometimes my life sucked. But mostly, I've done good by myself and proved everyone who ever said I couldn't wrong.
So hate on me, haters.
Imma do me.
Just wait and see.

Monday, February 6, 2012

Having Sex

    So everyone and their brother seems to be having sex. And I am one of the few females in my town that has retained their virginity, which also makes me a walking target. People of the opposite gender hang out with me and the first thing they try to do is get in my pants. I would just like to let the world know, I like my pants ON. Not down around my ankles. In fact, I don't really like being naked, and until I'm comfortable with my body, how am I supposed to be comfortable with someone else seeing my naked body? Furthermore, the Bible, which I like to base a lot of my living off of, says that sex before marriage is a BIG NO NO. So, until my last name is successfully hyphenated and I have this awesome wedding ring on my left hand, there will be no sex.
     Many people call this prude, they call it ridiculous, they call it old fashioned, they call it stupid. But I like to call it having morals. I like to think that because I'm saving myself for someone, everything will be better, because I waited to share that special part of myself with my husband. Ideally, he will have that special part of himself for me as well, which is the amazing part of going to a Christian Private School. Pretty much everyone there (no, that's not the truth) a large majority of the population of males that are worth spending time on and with share this viewpoint, you know the I Will after I Do viewpoint. And that makes the possibility of finding someone who will save themselves for me just I've been saving myself for them so much larger. Way bigger than anyone in silly old OMAK, the place I happen to call my home.
    I guess in today's society I might be considered a nun but that's just not so. I'm just a person with morals, and I know what I hold to high importance in today's crazy messed up world. Well, here's the deal. You stick to your guns, and I'll stick to mine. That's the way it works.
   Purity and chastity may be overrated, but they sure make everything less dramatic and worry-free.