Monday, March 18, 2013

A Rant.

Now shut up and listen to my anger.
Finally it has come. My first real life rant on my blog. What is this rant inspired by? A few things. Now you may agree, and think to yourself, "yeah, that is crazy annoying and I'm going to rant about it too!" Or you may think, "wow, she's being really lame right now. Alexis, calm down." But no, I shan't be calm. These are my truths and if you respect me at all, you'll deal with it. Everyone has their way to express being annoyed and mine is to write out my frustration and illustrate the post with Samantha Barks holding guns.

First off, do you know someone who only comes around and pretends to like you when they need something from you then causes huge drama and ignores you until they need you again? Chances are, everyone knows someone like that. I do. I know several. To those people, stop it. We're not stupid. Everyone who is not you KNOWS what you're about and what you're doing and you're just making yourself look the fool and you're about to burn some bridges because there is only so much people can take before they hit their breaking point, flip a table and say "sayonara", and stop taking your crap. Because honestly, people are replaceable. And even if you think you can't be replaced, you can't. Wake up, gain some maturity and stop playing these damn games. Seriously. You'll thank me later.

There's another type of person we all know, and that is the person who needs a significant other to survive. I understand that over dependency may or may not be a psychological issue, but then there are those people who have absolutely NO REASON to be over dependent on anyone and are proclaimed independent young men or women who don't need no man or woman and yet as soon as they find themselves single they are on the hunt to find a new significant other. And if they can't find a significant other, oh dear lord in heaven above watch out because they are going to whine your ear off and its going to suck until finally you find an innocent victim sacrifice it to the depraved beast, and wait until that relationship inevitably fails hoping that eventually the over dependent beast figures out that being single doesn't signify anything except for the fact that they are single and being taken doesn't signify anything except for the fact that now they can't flirt as much and have to worry about making someone jealous.

You know what else irritates me? Overly cute couples. You know, and I know you know what I'm talking about and if you're in a relationship and you DON'T know what I'm talking about, it's because I'm talking about you. Stop it. You're irritating me. Now I'm all for being cute and romantic, but the moment you hit "you're adorable", "no YOU'RE adorable" arguments in public I will literally grab a fish, a whole fish, and slap you in the face with it because seriously NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR THAT ARGUMENT. I would honestly rather hear a couple having a real argument than whatever puppy love vomit inducing fake war you two are having. And please, by all means, make out for seven minutes right in my way. No, I don't mind. Just kidding. I really do mind. Get a room. Because that's another thing people don't want to see - excessive PDA. I understand a kiss on the cheek or lips or whatever when bidding adieu for a few hours, but making out every time you must be separated for more than a minute is a bit excessive, and disgusting. Plus I have to see it and hear it and so does everyone else and no one wants to. And if you're guilty of excessive PDA and you're disgusted by PDA, then you should stop PDA-ing all over the place. STOP IT. STOP IT NOW BECAUSE I'M ABOUT TO FISH SLAP YOU ALL.

Now just because anger has no flow or ease or anything, we're going to switch gears and move into the men saying what should happen in women's bodies area of my post because holy god. Why does that even happen? Like, they don't even go here and be here I mean girl world. Men don't understand women's bodies as well as women do because guess what, they AREN'T WOMEN. Do they have to bleed for seven continuous days once a month? Nope. They don't. So even though they have a biological understanding of women and womanhood they can never truly understand us because they aren't us and that's why when a man tries to tell women everywhere that birth control shouldn't be covered by insurance because personal responsibility should not be the government's job to deal with or that women shouldn't be allowed to have an abortion even though she could die because there is a "cute wittle baby in her belly" I get really, really upset. Especially when things are brought to light like, birth control is used to prevent acne in girls, and that black market abortions are a real thing and are very deadly if done incorrectly. If you don't have all the facts, don't make the ruling. In such a male dominated government please educate the jury on my uterus before they start calling the shots about it. Or get the opinions of a few women. And in my ideal world, the motto regarding these topics would be "no uterus, no opinion."

You know who's the worst? No, not Britta. People with double standards and people who say one thing when they want something else. If you like it quiet when you sleep, I suggest being quiet when other people are trying to sleep. And if you want your roommates girlfriend to sleep somewhere else occasionally I suggest not having your girlfriend takes nap in your room while you're not there. It's pretty simple. Also, if you hate it when guys don't give up after you say no, give up after a guy says no. R-E-S-P-E-C-T and general not being a hypocrite go a long way in this world. But having double standards is a good way to get a drink to the face. Also. Say someone asks you a question. Like, hey man, can I eat the rest of your ice cream? If you say yes, but mean no, I was going to eat that in literally fifteen minutes, then you're a terrible person and if you get upset at them for asking and then eating it because you said it was okay there is a special place in hell for you. Not quite the throne, but pretty damn close to it. Like, the folding chair on the right side close.

The rain on everyone's parade person. You know what I'm talking about. No matter how good your day is and no matter what has happened in your life, the minute you see this person, the whole world seems dark and dreary because no matter how beautiful the sky looks or how bright the sun is shining everything in their world is darkness and strangled unicorns. Basically these people grew up watching Disney films where the villain won and they have never enjoyed anything ever. You know, like Eeyore. These Debbie Downers (and yes, the name applies to men too) have to be avoided like the plague if you're day is going any direction of right and if you do see them and ask how their day is going (out of politeness and nothing else) you're sure to get a novella on how bad the world is. My solution is to hand them Ben and Jerry's ice cream and then run away, quickly. There is literally no solution to their problem because they won't take advice and they won't listen to anything good in the world. Their life's soundtrack is I Dreamed a Dream played on repeat and people are continuously stealing their sweet rolls. If you're this kind of person, dear lord, stop it. I'm not sure if its for attention or if you literally can't find a bright side to life but please for the love of all that is good and holy, let someone try to cheer you up instead of bringing all of us down.

People making comments on other people's weight and/or making weight related jokes. It doesn't matter if the person you're commenting on is big or little, they came that way and usually have no choice in the matter. And probably also don't like being manhandled. Anyways. Just because a girl is excessively small does NOT mean you should call her chicken legs or tell her she's thin as a rail or anything of the like. Why? Because chances are she's really self conscious about her weight. I know it sounds ridiculous, but people calling attention to someone's weight is never okay in any context no matter the size of the person because not everyone is completely in love with their body even if they weigh 98 pounds and are 20. On the other side of the spectrum, calling negative or positive attention to a larger girls body isn't good either. You may call a girl fat that has until that moment in time been very self confident in her image. Boom. Eating disorder. I'm not exaggerating, it's literally that easy to affect the way people see themselves.

And then there are people who are way too full of themselves because they're good looking and they know it. Okay, being confident is fine. I'm not dissing that. What I'm dissing is the fact that there people in this world who are literally so attractive they have Facebook fan pages because people want to stare at them so much. And is that a good thing for their ego? No. Because they turn into the most egotistical human beings ever. I'm not saying the necessarily asked for those fan pages, because I don't think anyone would ask for that, but I am saying that it does go to their heads because why wouldn't it? And these people expect for the world to come to them on a silver platter just because they are good looking and talented and basically the whole package. Chances are it will, but also they're going to turn into a giant douche and that's sad.

You know what else irritates me? Rape jokes. Yeah, that escalated quickly, I know. But I just thought of it. Rape is a serious issue that is still joked about in most of society. Saying you got raped by someone during a game of cards when you lost intensely isn't cool. It's sick. It's wrong. And most importantly, it makes it seems like its okay for other people to joke about rape too. Here's some statistics that aren't so funny so you'll shut the frak up and stop joking about this very tender topic. The lowest estimate the Department of Justice can give for the number of people raped every year is 300,000. Wanna know the cap on that estimate? 1.3 million. Why is there such a huge gap between the high and low? Because not all rape is reported due to the fact that the victims are too scared to actually report the crime. There is a 1 in 4 chance that a girl will be raped in college. ONE IN FOUR. That's ridiculous. You know what that means, that there is also a large chance that someone you know from college has been raped. 15 percent of the rapes that occur in America happen to girls under the age of 12. But this all hilarious, right? It's still okay to make jokes about rape, right? It's still okay to use rape as a slang term, right? No, it's not. There are very few instances where I would no longer be friends with someone because of what they said, but chances are, if you make a rape joke, don't count on me talking to you ever again.

Druggies, you are all Jeff. I am Annie. 
People who do drugs who CANNOT SHUT UP about doing drugs also get my goat. And yes, I just used that term. We get it, you do drugs. You like doing drugs. You enjoy killing off brain cells. That stuff that slowly turns you into a mindless slab of flesh has taken over your life and you've just run out and you need more.You cannot function without hallucinogens. You, druggies, have your made your freaking point. Shut the hell up. NOW. No one cares. And no, people don't like people who do drugs more than the rest of average non idiotic non drug using America. Everyone can tell you do drugs, mostly because you can't shut the eff up about them, and we're all judging you. Get your lives together. Come on. And also, if you have a serious addiction, please go get help. I urge you.

I'm out of things to be irritated about and strangely, I feel better. See, ranting does solve problems! If you have stuck with me until the end of this post, you deserve a cake or something, because it was probably painful to read. But now I am soothed and can go back to blogging about things that actually matter, rather than the trivial annoyances of a young adult female.


Virginia Mangrum said...

Where's my cake? :D But seriously, I agree with nearly everything you've said. I especially enjoyed the fish-slap mental image.

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