Stop Telling Me To Smile

Stop telling me I'm prettier when I smile. Stop telling me I shouldn't eat that. Stop ordering for me when we go out. I am not a barbie doll. If I wanted a smile painted on my face, I'd take care of it without any input from you. I am not a health nut. If I was, my ex-boyfriend wouldn't remind me that our first kiss happened while I was eating gummy bears. I am not perfect. If I were meant to be perfect, I would not be a human.
I am a woman. I am everything a man can be and maybe a bit more. I create life. And while I am busy preparing my body to bring forth life there is many a man out there being put away for taking a life out of this world.

I am a woman. I am pigeon-holed. Because my eyebrows arch over my sunglasses and I don't walk about with a smile pasted on my face, I am a bitch. I am bossy because I like things done right, a man with the same attributes is called a leader, and when I draw attention to this fact, I am called a femi-nazi, while a man doing the same thing is called a hero. I have lifted trays full of food with one arm for almost a year now and a man still ended his compliment of my strength with "for a girl". Let me remind you, sir, that it is women who are still pursuing change in the world. Let me remind all of you, that women are fighting along side men in everything, women are taking the world by storm. We aren't a dirty word or a second class citizen, we are humans, we are capable and we deserve equality.

I am apparently a liberal because I foolishly believe that everyone is equal. I am radical because I speak out against the sexism of the world. I am foolish and silly and even a tad naive for wanting women to be equal to men. For the equal pay act to mean women are paid equally. For sexism to quit existing. I am silly and "oh, just so young" when I talk to older generations about these issues because apparently as I continue living in the world I will realize how much of a foolish girl I am and change my mind on all of this. I will become complacent.

But what if I don't? What if I am still the girl who refuses to stop looking for change, to stop seeking a right to all this wrong? Then I suddenly become the eccentric Ms. Olmstead. The crazy lady who lives next door, the diehard try-hard. And people are embarrassed of me because there is nothing worse than an liberal old feminist woman. Except apparently for a young one.

Here's the thing. I'm not going to change the way I am or who I am until the world changes for me. I will continue to be upset when I called doll, or sweetie, or honey by condescending old men, I will continue to flip off strangers who tell me to smile and I will continue to take pride in the fact that I refuse to live by anyone's rules but my own, and call me stupid, but I feel like we could all accomplish more if that was more acceptable.

The No Make-Up Selfie Raises Awareness for.....Your Face.

Recently women have begun posting photos of their faces without make up and claiming they are doing it to "raise breast cancer awareness". Let me explain to you why that is just an all around ridiculous idea.  Women with breast cancer many times lose touch with their femininity - they feel that they are no longer women because one of the major body parts that identifies them AS women is more often than not literally removed from their person. They go through chemotherapy, extremely invasive surgery and wither away. But the best the creator of this meme/trend could come up with was to have perfectly healthy women post pictures of themselves without make-up so they could be seen at their "ugliest"?

When I first saw a no make-up post I thought it was a joke. I tried to justify it. Maybe she's joking and just doesn't know how to explain why this is funny. Maybe she is comparing herself without make-up to a cancer victim - OHMYGOD THAT'S WHAT YOU ALL ARE DOING WHEN YOU DO THIS. Even if the act is conscious or not, even if you are just doing it because you got tagged by someone else, that is the heart of this whole thing. Is that whoever did it first thought that by not wearing make-up, they were somehow comparable to a breast cancer victim. And if you are saying that, are you also saying that cancer patients are ugly?

I mean, I don't understand. And crazy trends like this don't raise awareness for anything. At this point in time it is important that women are getting checked for Breast Cancer because everyone in the world knows it is a thing that could happen to them. But not wearing make-up isn't going to magically remind anyone to go in for a mammogram. Obviously. What is going to remind women to get a mammogram is going in yourself and getting checked. If you are anxious to share how eager you are to make sure everyone gets checked then post those informational graphics about how to self-check at home. 

And you ALL are missing the point! You know how I know? Because you're doing it because you were tagged, chances are if you knew that the whole thing began after the Oscars with celebrities supporting Kim Novak, a breast cancer survivor who was criticized at the Academy Awards for her very obvious plastic surgery, you might not be so eager to join in. 

And then, if any of you knew that the whole thing was capitalized on and is actually a fundraising campaign over in the UK, and donated money to a breast cancer research campaign, you might be ACTUALLY making a damn difference. Thinly veiled vanity is not philanthropy. There is nothing wrong with taking a selfie. But if you have to give it a reason like "breast cancer awareness" then there could possibly be a problem.

Women of the world, go get yourselves checked. Breast Cancer can literally hit anyone and everyone. And if you are lucky enough to be found cancer free, remember to help out your sisters on Earth and donate some money to a company that can make a difference. You are not brave for not wearing make-up. You are brave for helping someone who can never help you back. 

SHE-HULK SMASH

Normally I try to refrain from cursing in my posts for the simple fact that there are those who find it inappropriate and will think me less educated or less respectable for doing so. I would like to tell those people right now that while I am very educated and have a sizable vocabulary, today I am angry, and today I am probably going to use slightly less G rated language. 

For some reason I feel like all the assholes of the internet have simultaneously decided to come out of hiding and reveal to the world that they are aliens from the year 1950 and still think that women belong in either the bedroom or the kitchen, and that the only thing good about us as a gender is our ability to have sex. And so, since it's Thursday and I was fed up with these douchebags by Tuesday, I figured it was time to lash out. I am tired of being objectified. I am tired of being treated like I'm second rate because I have boobs. I am tired of random assholes on the street making me feel as though my life was in danger because I want to walk home on a nice evening. And I am especially tired of these self serving dicks hiding behind their damn computers and spreading their filth to the far corners of the internet.

I don't even know where to start on the list of things that set me off this week, I mean, I know that the lack of sleep definitely had something to do with it, but there has just been so much woman hate this week ESPECIALLY that I have been seeing various shades of red for a few days and there are so many things that just made it worse. Ugh. UGGGHHHHHH.

Okay, breathe Alexis, breathe.

We'll start with the story of the Whitworth Confessions post. Whitworth Confessions is a page where students anonymously submit "secrets" and then the administrator posts them. Some are funny, some are sad, this one made a very decent point. "I've had sex with five men and I feel dirty....met a guy who has had sex with 30+ (women) and he gets high fives all around...Just not impressed. Women are sluts, men are studs. Can't win". This girl spoke the truth. If I went out and slept with a different man every night this week, I would develop a reputation as a negative human being. If a guy does it, he is a player, he is a stud, he is held in reverence. Men and women are judged on different scales and society just acts like it is okay for that to happen. Really, it shouldn't matter, because we shouldn't judge people based on who they have sex with or how much sex they are having. Being sexually active is okay. Being a virgin is okay. Judging someone because they are one or the other is not. Now, at a school like Whitworth, where you would think that everyone is loving and accepting and would be able to speak some sense into this child and tell her no, we are all equal and try to make her feel better, some very large jerks happen to live. And honestly, I don't understand how they have made it this far in life or even how they got girlfriends with the way that they treat women (I've witnessed it). You wanna know what asshole number one had to say in response to this? "Skeleton (master) keys vs. Shitty locks". 

SKELETON KEYS VS. SHITTY LOCKS was literally the best thing this guy could come up with. Not only is it the worst analogy ever, but he later went on to defend his statement by saying that he is just a mirror to society and only reflects the opinion held by others. Hey buddy, Jim Jones has some kool-aid waiting for you. Go drink it, you'll like it. I mean, he speaks as if my vagina is something that every guy who might be smooth enough has access to. Uhm, no. I may be biased though, because this same manchild mocked me for telling him that he should allow his girlfriend to be a freethinking woman. He literally made fun of me all night and every time I have an opinion that he doesn't agree with, he doesn't assume it is because I don't know, I'm an intelligent human being, but he implies that my opinion is wrong, I'm a woman, therefore I'm stupid, and there is nothing I can do to remedy the situation. When a female who was commenting on the thread tried to call said asshole out on his comment and horrid analogy, she was insulted, and then when she came back to defend herself was asked if she was on her period.

In case you were wondering, everyone in the world including girls who ask other moody girls if they are PMSing when really you're all just stupid, GIRLS CAN BE CRANKY AND PISSED OFF WHEN THEY AREN'T ON THEIR PERIODS. There are these things called emotions, every human being has them. Female emotions fluctuate regularly, just like male emotions, and sometimes we might even have negative emotions, even if we aren't bleeding from our vagina for seven straight days. Don't like it? Deal with it. I know plenty of places to hide a body and am a PRO at getting blood stains out of clothes.

You can't invalidate someone's argument because they are female. That hasn't been acceptable since the 80's. You can't invalidate a female's argument or opinion because she might be on her period. That's just bad logic. My hormones aren't going to change my opinion. They make me crave ice cream with salt in it, but they aren't going to stop me thinking that the boys who commented on that post are all giant children who will most likely end up divorced and alone unless they learn how to respect women before it is too late.

So that whole episode of Facebook related-anger ended and then tonight, literally about half an hour ago I saw this super awesome video of this girl doing soccer tricks in heels, which made it doubly annoying. Top comment on the video? "Can she cook?" followed by "does she have a penis?". WHAT THE HELL. First, guy number one is all "WOMAN. WOMAN COOK FOR CAVE MAN". And then guy number two, who was actually a female, basically said that this girl wasn't actually impressive because she was a female and obviously the only way to impress people in this shitty ass world is to be born with a penis. Like, "Sorry Joanne, I realized you saved five lives today by carrying those orphans out of a burning building while having only one functional leg, but it's really not that impressive because you have a vagina". Genitalia doesn't make something less or more impressive, kids. This whole "....for a girl" mentality is getting old real quick. Men don't create the standard. The best of the best create the standard. And sometimes, that best happens to be a girl wearing heels kicking a soccer ball around.

Also happening this whole week is the saga of the guy who can't get take a hint. Guy, if you're reading this, be lucky I didn't call you out by name. Dudes in general. If you send a girl a picture of yourself shirtless and then say "you know I'm sexy" and she replies with the most awkward face you could ever imagine and acts disinterested, it is probably because she doesn't find you attractive (or sexy) and is disinterested. For you to continue to persist throughout the entirety of the week after actually only having even been in the same area as this girl twice, is ridiculous, ESPECIALLY when she mentions several times that she doesn't find it necessary for you to send photos of yourself to her. For you to then suggest taking pictures of your lower half, is ludicrous. What are you going to show me? A man who can take a hint? A person with a fully developed brain who can figure out what the word NO means? I would want to see that. In this age of Snapchat and picture messages, it is important to remember that no means no, even if she (he) is rejecting photos that are being sent to them. If a girl doesn't want you sending her shirtless pics, don't do it. Especially if that girl has a blog.

And then, OH MAN. Then some other guy got upset at me because I wouldn't send him nude photos of me. Okay, here's the thing, avid readers, I am not on sending naked pictures terms with anyone I know. And I never will be. If you want to see me naked, there's some other things involved, like I don't know, a long term relationship? Anyways. Objectifying women to the point where you think it is your right to see all women naked is dangerous and stupid. And it is one of the many things that pisses me off. I don't belong to you, dude. I don't have to send you pictures of me, or talk to you, or hang out with you, so you need to stop while you're (kind of) ahead. There is nothing wrong with sending photos of oneself to people. Do whatever you want, I'm not going to judge you, I don't want to see them, but I'm not going to judge you. However, if you ridicule someone for refusing to send promiscuous photos of any sort, I will personally escort you to the gates of Hell and hand you over to the dude in charge myself, you little prick. Humans are not objects and no matter what you do for someone, that doesn't mean they owe you anything in terms of sexual practices.

EVER.

So get rid of that stupid ass term "friend zone". The friend zone is a fictional place men like to pretend they reside in when a girl they are nice to refuses to date them. Because a majority of men believe that if they are nice to things that have vagina's, they will get to take a thing with a vagina home and keep it locked up in the kitchen as a pet. WRONG. And then they get upset when they do nice things for a girl and the girl won't go out with them. Oh, she "let" you take her to lunch? I would have to, even I had no intention of pursuing a relationship with the guy offering, because let's face it: who turns down free food? Certainly not  me. Girls aren't prizes to be won, contrary to what movies and television would have you believe. Women are individuals who might think you are a wonderful friend but won't date you because the romantic attraction isn't there. How is it wrong to agree to be someone's friend and not date them, even if you might have feelings for that girl? Why is she suddenly in the wrong because she won't date someone she doesn't find attractive in any way? I mean, boys lead girls on all the time, and it is perfectly okay. Oh, that's right. I'm wrong because I'm a woman. That's it, isn't it? Being a woman is inherently wrong in today's world.

Or not.

Treat all women like human beings. If you have a daughter, imagine someone saying these horrible things to her. Or your sister, or your mother! If you wouldn't say it to them, don't say it to any other woman, either. Respect women. We deserve it.


Alexis Olmstead is a very tired and very angry 20 year old working out of Middle-of-Nowhere, Washington. She works part time as a waitress, but being a diva is a full time commitment. When she isn't tearing apart strangers over the internet, she is watching way too much tv and crocheting hats she'll never wear. For more rants, check back often. 

The Importance of Community Theatre

Standing on stage when a show starts is comparable to watching the sunrise and feels exactly like magic. All of a sudden nothing else exists, just me and the other actors, who have transformed into the characters they have been chosen to portray. A stage becomes the world, plywood trees come to life, and house flats turn into 3D homes full of family and history and everything - everything - is really really real.

Months of dedication lead up to that moment. Countless hours of memorizing, rehearsing, and learning have paved the path to a successful opening night. People have (probably) cried, there have been ungodly amounts of sweat, and most likely some blood. Hair has been pulled out, directors have shouted, and memories have been made. Oh, and 50 or so people who have never met before have created a family, and with that, a living, breathing production for the enjoyment of the audience.

But we don't act to please audiences - okay not entirely - mostly we act because we have no greater joy than walking onto that stage and becoming a whole new person. Again, and again, and again. I believe that actors live many lives. We live as ourselves, as our characters, and through our performances.

I was introduced to theatre - and musical theatre in particular - by my grandmother when she took me to see the Omak High School production of "A Christmas Carol: The Musical" the first time it played on the PAC stage. I was entranced by the idea that people did things like getting together and just putting on shows. It made me so jealous and excited that these high schoolers got to parade around in fancy costumes and sing and dance and people wanted to watch them. Every year we would go see the Children's Dance Theatre show in the winter and the OVOC (Okanogan Valley Orchestra and Chorus) musical in the spring. After a few years of this tradition, I yearned to be up onstage with all of them. These were people I looked up to and admired. Admittedly, I was a little starstruck by all of them. I had seen so many of them in these plays and met a lot of them in the lobby after the show that I felt like someday I could be one of them, someday I would be up on that PAC stage acting with Ugo Bartell, who I first saw as Gaston, and Doug Leese, who I saw debut as Rooster. Lisa Bauer played a French Maid in the same show Carine Wood played Belle and I wanted to be just like both of them. The girl who played Kim Macafee (Janelle Cutuli) I thought was so fun and young - if she could do it, why couldn't I? My main point here is I grew up watching these people, wanting to be these people, and seeing these people in many roles with the Community Theatre group. Watching normal people get to be stars in their own right inspired me to start acting.

Seeing Les Miserables, June 2012

Now I'm in a show directed Janelle Cutuli and co-starring Ugo Bartell. I have worked with Doug Leese on several productions, I worked at a drama camp for Lisa Bauer and Carine Wood and I see each other every summer for the Princess Party where she reprises her role as Belle. These people have continued to push me to be a better actress and work hard for my dreams, just by continuing to pursue their love of theatre. My point here is that Community Theatre plays a huge role in people's lives. Some places don't have access to big shows and big theatres like those who reside in Seattle or New York might. We don't get to see Broadway casts tour through the Omak PAC and leave us awestruck. We have doctors who leave work and go to rehearsal. We have teachers, and moms, and dads, and bus drivers, and retirees, and news paper photographers who put a smile on their face just from seeing the clock strike 6:45 and heading out the door to go to their 7:00 blocking rehearsal. And all of these people put on a show that will touch the lives of a child in the audience.

Community theatre gives children and young adults a venue in which to explore a potential career, something that could turn into their life or maybe just a hobby. It gives people a chance to see shows they would otherwise never get to see. It gives small town dwellers like us Omakians a chance to be big stage stars for a couple months, and it's pretty fun, too. Theatre isn't just for the geeky kids in high school, I believe that theatre is for everyone and a good community theatre can give a whole town - heck, a whole county - a way to see magic happen right before their very eyes.



Alexis Olmstead is an aspiring Broadway actress and Dorothy in OVOC's spring musical "The Wizard of OZ". She works out of a tiny town in Washington as a part time waitress, and a full time diva. For more insight on her life and useless opinions about other things, check back often. 

What Makes YOU Beautiful? A Conversation with College Women About Beauty

In  this day and age, beauty has become a social construct. Advertisements and magazine articles constantly bombard women, specifically between the ages of 15 and 22, with rules regarding how we dress, walk, talk, stand, eat and basically live so that we may be perfect, some may say beautiful, and basically unattainable to the opposite gender. 

But there is more to beauty than make up and clothing, or knowing how to giggle or how to look nonchalant at all times. These aspects have nothing to do with beauty. I strongly believe that beauty comes from within. And now, more and more people are beginning to realize that Photoshop is not a mirror. Photoshop does not create the standard for what beautiful is. Real, live, men and women do. And we create that standard of beauty for ourselves. The definition of beauty is being rewritten, and it is being rewritten on our terms. 

Shakanna Inman, a sophomore at Western Washington University recently sat down with a group of young women to discuss their definitions of beauty and feminism. Feminism and beauty are connected in a way that many people don't piece together at first. But in fighting for equal treatment to men as a gender, we are also fighting for our societal norm of beauty to not be dictated by Vogue. The women that Shakanna talked with, myself included, expressed many things about themselves, their concept of what beauty means to them, and whether or not they thought this made them a feminist. The answers varied on many things, but one of the points that came up over and over again was that beauty is the ability to be yourself. 

And as many women know, we aren't always accepted for being who we are. We are told to just be ourselves, but the hidden message is actually to just be ourselves as long as you look flawless 100% of the day. Women have been told for so long that our natural selves are so wrong that we spend hours a day staring at ourselves in a mirror doing our hair, our make-up, our eyebrows. And when men tell us they prefer the "natural look" they don't mean that they like girls who aren't wearing any make-up. No, they prefer girls who wear neutral tones of eyeshadow. And men, if you are reading this and thinking to yourself "that's not true" try to imagine why women as a whole are rarely seen without make up. I once had a teacher tell a girl she shouldn't wear make up because she was so pretty and when she came to school with no make up on, made fun of her for appearing ill. She had to be dismissed from class because she couldn't stop crying. 

But the day when women are not ashamed for going out barefaced is coming. Already women around the globe are embracing their definition of beauty. These women fight to be heard and to be able to say that they are beautiful just the way they are. 

As the following interviews will show, young women are over the whole "let society decide what beautiful is" trend. "What is beauty?" they were asked. Beauty is strength. Beauty is confidence. Beauty is joy. These were all answers that came back. 

Michelle Fields is a 22 year old feminist who believes that the most beautiful thing a woman can do is smile. "It's hard not feel beautiful when everyone around you is sharing your enjoyment". Michelle is very adventurous and has traveled around the country, and has even swam in the Arctic Ocean! She is a lifetime girl scout member along with her mother, whom she bonded with over their responsibility to "take care of the men". 

"Being a feminist to me is feeling like a woman and being comfortable with that".

Fields is a feminist because she believes that power should be equal, along with rights and opportunities being the same for both genders. The example she used was the disrespect she receives from not wanting children, which is becoming more and more common in our generation. "I do not believe this supports equal rights or opportunities," she writes, "men and women should have equal legal rights and be looked at equally as individuals".

Alex Synnodis-Butler agrees. "To me, feminism is being proud of yourself as a woman, no matter what that

entails".  And what makes Alex feel beautiful? Confidence. "I feel most beautiful when I feel confident in myself". 

Alex is a 19 year old sophomore who wants to major in Spanish and travel to Argentina. She considers herself a feminist and says she is happy with the rights she has and "feels good about being a woman". I personally find Alex refreshing.

It is hard for a lot of women to feel confident in their own skin. For someone to so openly embrace everything about themselves is amazing. Confidence goes a lot of way in making yourself feel good about your own brand of beauty. 

If we, as women, can start to feel more confident about how we look, how we feel, and ourselves as a whole, we can start to feel genuinely beautiful about natural selves. 

For Tara Noir, a Junior at Western, that's what beauty is. Being carefree, with no makeup and without all the hair styling. You know, just being natural. 

Tara is conflicted about whether or not she is a feminist but she's pretty positive she is. "To me, feminism means being most like yourself, and you shouldn't have people judging you for doing what you want".

Tara is going to be the first woman in her family to graduate from college is doing things for herself, and not worrying about what other people think. While she was living in Omak, WA she was sexually assaulted. "I want to be okay with it and I’m going to school to empower people to help them be okay with what happened to them".

To me, empowerment and strength are synonymous. And while empowerment is the strengthening of spirit, many women believe that bodily strength is what makes them beautiful. 

"My big brown eyes, my size, and the slow but sure growth I see in myself at the gym (make me feel beautiful). That’s why I wore a sports bra and yoga pants—I feel the most beautiful when I know I am making small accomplishments for the sake of my health and strength, those accomplishments make me happy, and it’s hard not to radiate beauty when you feel happy and strong". 

Monica Griffin is a sophomore at Western studying behind the scenes music production and journalism. She loves music "more than anything else and concerts are my spiritual home - there is no better universal language than music". She works out almost every day, in case you couldn't tell. "I love waking up sore because it means I kicked my ass the day before".

Monica considers herself a feminist, "but not a femi-nazi. I still appreciate a little chivalry. I am not blind to the mistreatment of other genders and do not think feminism is the answer to all societal problems." When asked what feminism meant to her, Monica replied, "feminism is a support network for women. It helps every woman get what she deserves and gives the community of womanhood a voice among the rest of the world". 

Celia Peacock also believes that beauty lies in strength. "I get a secret satisfaction from lifting more than boys". 

Celia enjoys her independence. As far as whether or not she is a feminist, Peacock says no. 

  

Celia wasn't the only model photographed that wasn't a feminist. Madison Hatch, another Sophomore and a hopeful exercise physiology and nutrition major believes that beauty shouldn't be determined by what you look like, but what you are doing in your surroundings. 

She believes that feminism means respect for females and equal opportunities for both genders. However, she has never considered herself a feminist because she has always felt that she has had equal opportunities in life and never needed to change how she was treated as a woman. "Personally, I have never had to think about woman's issues". 

This poses an important question. Are there people who aren't feminists in the world just because they haven't thought about gender inequality or women's issues? Unfortunately this was a question I never got to ask. 

And then there's me. I believe that a person's best attribute is their ability to shake themselves off and move on with life. Yes, I too believe that there is a certain beauty about strength. 

I am a 20 year old girl living in Omak Washington who frequently blogs about feminism and how hard it is to be a woman in today's world. So yes, I am a feminist. And to me, that means that women as a community band together and fight for equality. 

I applaud Shakanna for putting this project together. It is important to see women being able to feel beautiful in their own terms, instead of adhering to the cookie cutter woman that society would have us be. 

So, reader, after seeing these young women and reading about their brand of beautiful, what makes you feel beautiful? 

"This project is dedicated to women of all kinds. I want women to embrace what makes them feel beautiful. You can be told how pretty you are all day, but if you don't feel beautiful then it doesn't mean anything. I want women to focus on feeling beautiful, instead of what society says beauty is. Most of the women I interviewed said that they feel the best about themselves when they are most natural; not wearing makeup and not worrying about how they look. However, women feel they must conform to society to make themselves "beautiful". When we try to be someone else's misconfigured version of beauty, we are only hurting ourselves". - Shakanna Inman

All photos in this post are by Shakanna Inman, copyright Shakanna Inman, 2014. Except for the photo of Shakanna. That's by me, copyright Alexis Olmstead, 2013. 

Pretty Without Make-Up

Until I started working as a waitress I never wore make up regularly. I actually had a really difficult time applying make up. Growing up my grandma stressed that I didn't need to wear make up because I was beautiful without it, that I had gorgeous skin people would die for, that I only needed to wear it on special occasions to be fancy.

During that time I had no problem waking up in the morning and doing my hair, not doing my make up and finding no fault in how I looked. I had no problem thinking I was naturally beautiful. I always told myself that if I didn't feel pretty without make up, I wouldn't feel pretty with it, either. I went through all of high school and a year of college not wearing make up and not caring.

But then I started wearing make up. I started having to work an extra 15 -30 minutes into my routine to "put on my face" and it changed everything. I would like to pretend that starting to wear make up didn't change the way I perceived myself, but it totally did. And I know that some women wear make up to feel pretty, some women wear make up to enhance their beauty, and some just like the process of putting make up on. There is no fault in that. But I started wearing make up and suddenly I felt ugly without make up. I can pin point the moment when I changed the way I thought about how I looked with make up on, too.

Someone saw me on the street while I was walking to work, and after not seeing me for literally years their first comment was "ohmygosh you look so good...with make up on!" Their one comment killed my self confidence. And I know that is a lot of power to let one comment hold. But after going through 20 years of life believing I am beautiful without make up on, one person making it seem like I should wear make up 24/7 to continue looking pretty really just shatters all that work.

So I am fighting back. And again, with another lesson from my grandmother. Every morning when I don't put on make up and look back at the mirror, see my face, and get disappointed, I look myself straight in the eyes and say "I love you". Because to love someone, even yourself, is to love them (you) in spite of them (yourself). In spite of all the imperfections, the frizzy hairs, the pimples, the eyes that look so small without eyeliner, and in spite of the lack of self confidence I feel without make up now. Because believe it or not, I still get stopped on the street and told I'm pretty. Not often. But who goes out of their way to tell someone that they are good looking? One in a million people. But people still compliment my eyes, my smile, they tell me I'm kind for treating them well at the grocery store, on the street, and those are qualities worth loving.

And if the "I love you" trick doesn't work, I turn on Feeling Good by Micheal Buble and listen until I feel good. We shouldn't have to depend on things to make us feel gorgeous. I know we all do. But we are all beautiful in our own unique way. I have a friend who is seriously one of the most beautiful women I have ever met just because of the way she carries herself and her willingness to help anyone at any given moment. Beauty comes from your soul. Let's all try to remember that.

Alexis Olmstead is a part time waitress, and full time diva who strongly believes winged eyeliner will be her undoing. She is currently consuming too much coffee and trying to maintain her foothold on sanity. For more opinions and reflections (and a lot of ranting) check back often

The Case Against School Dress Codes

When people ask me what I hated most about high school, I cannot usually give them an answer. Honestly, I have a hard time recalling moments or events from my high school career that I actually didn't like. But I got to thinking the other day, and one thing stood out. The dress code. I really did not care for the high school dress code. I understand, reader, that at this point you are probably thinking to yourself that my reasoning was because I was constantly in violation of it. You would be wrong. I never got in trouble for breaking the dress code because I exist in baggy sweaters and skinny jeans or pants. I always just thought it was unfair that as I female I was being punished and being held to this laundry list of rules dictating how I was allowed to address because apparently teenage boys are uncontrollable.

Holding students to a standard of wearing professional or semi-professional clothing to school makes sense. Demonizing the female body does not. And if you don't agree with me when I say that dress codes demonize the female body, then please continue reading. By telling girls and only girls that they have to wear certain clothing so that school can be a place of education free of distractions, you are telling them that their bodies are distracting and that is a bad thing. I'm sorry but if shoulder blades are so distracting that high school boys cannot control themselves any longer, then I think there might be a deeper issue. Like how shoulder blades became sexual. I'm not being ridiculous by using shoulder blades as a point. Most high schools (mine included) prohibit girls from wearing spaghetti strap tank tops. If I remember correctly I was once told straps on tank tops had to be at least an inch. Excuse me, but who is going to go around and measure that? "I'm sorry, Sally,  your tank top straps are too thin, and John over there is about to die from the sexual tension between him and your very arousing shoulder blades."

Screw. That.

Telling girls they have a responsibility to wear certain items of clothing versus other options is telling them that being ogled at and possibly assaulted will be their fault if they made the wrong clothing choice. Telling young girls who are just getting in touch with their sexuality and developing their self image that if they wear short skirts that they are "inappropriate" and thus "slutty" is not going to make them feel good, it isn't going to stop providing distractions in school, and if anything, it is going to create more distractions because people are constantly judging what other people are wearing and if it doesn't fit within this pre-constructed idea of "good" that the school has set forth, then automatically the person inside of the outfit is a rebel, a slut, a girl your parents don't want you dating. And if a girl wears a skirt and looks "sexy" without trying, why is that her fault? And if she isn't pole dancing in the classroom, why is being sexy a bad thing? Teaching girls to have a positive view of their bodies and their budding sexuality should be being stressed in schools. After all, isn't high school supposed to prepare students for the real world? After 12 long years of girls being told that mini skirts are bad and strapless shirts are bad, and anything too tight is bad, they go into the real world and feel judged and dirty and bad when wearing anything against those dress codes. Why can I make that generalization? Because I can't wear my jeggings anymore without feeling mildly skanky because once, in high school, a male teacher asked if I didn't think my "pants aren't a little too tight?"

I'm sorry - wait, no I'm not - if you thinks my pants are too tight but I can breathe and I am comfortable and I don't feel like I'm being overtly sexual...in fact I didn't think anything inappropriate until you brought it up, teacher. And really, most of the time girls wouldn't be thinking about whether or not their outfits were sexy if school administrators weren't constantly policing girls to make sure that anything even hinting at sexy was immediately removed so the boys didn't get distracted. 

Because after all, boys will be boys, right?

NO.

It is not my job to not be a victim. It is not my job to worry about whether or not a boy can control himself if he sees too much of my thighs. It is not my job to worry about getting raped. It is the rapists job to not rape. It is the rapists job to control themselves. It is the rapists to make sure they do not rape me. It is not my job to avoid being raped and ogled at. It is my body. I own it. And school dress codes remove ownership of the body by employing the "modest is hottest" method of shaming girls into robotically wearing and doing whatever the school wants them to do in regards to sexuality.

The female body is not sinful, it doesn't determine her character, and it is not any more sexual than a man's body.

AND THE FEMALE BODY IS NOT A SEXUAL OBJECT FOR MEN TO ENJOY.

Why is that being stressed? Because boys don't have dress codes. Administrator's don't worry about what girls will do if a boy wears a bro tank that is so tight that their abs are defined. They don't penalize boys for wearing pants so tight we can see their junk (ew) and I don't hear about kindergarten boys being forcefully removed from outfits deemed to inappropriate for school. For some reason administrators who write dress codes are still under the delusion that boys cannot control their penises whenever they see a girl in something that might be kind of sexual, such a short skirt, or a shirt that shows a tad bit of cleavage. But being a boy doesn't mean anything except they have a different body part and a different gender.

By ensuring they we aren't wearing anything that might make a boy want to rape me, the boys will be boys excuse is not only being reinforced, but their ill behavior is then condoned and excuse me, but why are we really marveling about the high rate of rape and sexual assault?

By telling girls that they have to dress a certain way because they are at fault if they become a victim, you are telling boys that they are somehow not to blame for raping a girl. In the same breathe you are are classifying girls as sexual objects and condoning bad behavior from boys.

This is how we have rape culture. This is how we have victim blaming. This is how come boys find rape jokes funny. I'm not saying dress codes are completely to blame, I'm saying they are part of the problem. I understand not wanting a distracting environment for learning, but not at the cost it comes with. Yes, it is bad to wear underwear to school. Spaghetti straps and mini skirts that are long enough to cover a girls ass? I think one could probably let that one slide.Students go to school to learn. If all we are teaching young girls is that their bodies are bad, and showing skin makes them even worse, what are we accomplishing?