Love.

Have you ever wondered how it feels to be completely, irrevocably in love? Like, when you look at that person the breath goes completely out of you and butterflies take its place, dancing a ballet in your lungs? 

I’ve always wondered what it would be like to look at someone and feel my heart swell with a love so big that my body couldn’t possibly contain it, as a smile crept onto my face, unstoppable, and uncontrollable. I’ve wondered what its like to feel a love that I could write volumes about, to finally feel so much for one person that I never hurt when they’re around, because the sweet melody of their voice and their melodic voice would bandage any wound I would have suffered that day. 

I want to feel like I’ve found someone in who I can never be disappointed, the person who makes love something easy, and for who I don’t fall for, but who I fit with. I’d rather be a puzzle piece than a domino, if that makes any sense. I want to find the person who is custom made to fit me, and who I’m custom made to fit. The person who can look past all my imperfections to see the person who is inside of me, the person I’ve worked all my life to be.  

I’ve got it all worked inside my head. That I’ll see them and they’ll see me and somewhere cherubs will strike up their harps. I know that sounds cheesy, but isn’t love usually cheesy? We make fun of all of those couples who have it figured out and love each other more than anything we could ever fathom and call them cheesy and cutesy and stuff, but isn’t it true that we are all looking for the same exact thing? We want someone to make us go “D’awwwweee” we want someone who makes us blush on a daily basis just by complimenting our new hairstyle or the outfit we’re wearing, someone who surprises us with flowers for no reason at all, and posts silly things on our facebook wall, and takes us for midnight walks to the park and plays on the swings with us. 

I want the cliche, stereotypical, perfect relationship. Because in my head I’ve got it all worked out in my mind that it’ll be worth waiting for. I know I haven’t found that yet, but I have faith that I’ll find it eventually, and when I do, it’ll be the love that I write lengthy blog posts hidden deep in my blog about. But not because I’m ashamed of my love, because when I’m finally in love, and by love I mean true, undeniable, inescapably perfect love, I will be screaming it from the roof tops. Possibly forever.  

Classic Lit but Mostly Shakespeare

The first time I picked up a Shakespearean work I was in the third grade and I was at the public library with my mother. I was roaming the aisles looking for something with more meat than Ramona Quimby, not only because I had read all of the ones that were out, but also because my teacher told me that I had a high school reading level and so I had an inflated ego. 

I remember pulling Romeo and Juliet off the shelf, and Twelfth Night making this really loud, quite obnoxious thud as it came down with it and fell on the ground. I remember the way it smelled, because to me, books, especially older ones, have this very distinct scent that me and many other bibliophiles have come to fall in love with. I remember opening it up and reading the iconic line “Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?” and then underneath “*Why are you called Romeo”. That moment was huge for me. 

In that moment not only did I realize that I could read this book and have bragging rights that not many third graders had (I remember my teacher, Mrs. Pruitt laughing when I showed her what I had got) but I realized that in the crazy world of literature, words meant something different than what the reader initially thought. I realized that there was a whole world of books written by really, really old people that said things that meant something entirely different! And with that epiphany I decided to check it out. I put twelfth night back, and have yet to read it. 

But ever since that day in third grade I have spent my days happily devouring whatever classic novels (and sometimes not so classic novels) that I can get my hands on, always choosing Shakespeare over anything else. 

That one moment in the library shaped a large part of who I am today. And my mom allowing me to check it out (even though the librarian advised against it) opened the gates that led me down the path of English teacher-ism. 

Wherefore art thou English Teacher?

Under Construction

I've decided recently that its very important to let go of the past and move to future. I know that this is not an original thought, and perhaps even a tad of a cliche thing to decide, but some people learn slower than others, ya know?

But once I decided this I realized that in order to let go of the past, I also have to address it. Those things I've been avoiding talking about because I'd rather forget them, the people I should forgive even though it's easier to hold a grudge, the people I should ask to forgive me, even though it's easier just to avoid them,  and even the things I should forgive myself for, because I am not a perfect human, and I shouldn't beat myself up for things I did years ago. So basically, I decided to renovate my life.

From this moment on, I, Alexis Olmstead am under construction to be the best that I can be. And the best part is, I'm totally excited and I don't care if people don't like the new me, I will like the new me. I want to be the fun loving girl that many of you are acquainted with, but I also want to be the introspective, scholarly girl that hasn't really had her day in the sun. (Irony of ironies, I had to use spellcheck for the word 'acquainted'). But also, I want to be kinder, more understanding, more loving, more empathetic, sympathetic, and just generally more positive.

I've been thinking about this for awhile now. It really came up a couple of days ago when I read some cat fight on Facebook and thought to myself "I wish people were nicer". Which was soon followed by, "how can I expect people to be nicer if I'm not the nicest person on the planet, either?" So a new Alexis was conceived, and now she's about to be born, under a flag that reads: Be the change you wish to see in the world. Dear reader, I really hope you get that reference.

So here's to being a new person. Here's to addressing the past so that we can move into the future, here's to me, here's to you, here's to us.