For Future Reference

Awards season has come and gone, and here I am without an Oscar, Emmy, Grammy, or the Tony that I have dreamed for ages about winning. Not that I've been in any movies, television shows, or Broadway shows, and I definitely haven't put out any albums this year. Nevertheless, a girl has got to be prepared in case a random award is bestowed upon her, and this girl has a lot to be thankful for. So, here goes.

I would like to thank the Academy for bestowing this honor upon me. For as long as I can remember, I have been dreaming of standing up on this stage and accepting this honor. I would like to thank my high school drama teacher and lifelong friend, Nicole Leese, you saw a immature girl with bad posture who dreamed of being on a stage and you put her there. Over the years you have given me the tools and the guidance to be not only an  amazing person but the actress I've always wanted to be. Don and Lynn Pearce, you have given me a voice to be proud of and the technique to continue improving far into the future. And to Doug Leese, thanks for the bluntness. Thanks for the encouragement. Thanks for being worried about me and along with your wife, Nicole, and your two gorgeous children providing this weird sort of family that has gotten me through many a tearful meltdown at rehearsals, or a moody period for which no one has any explanation. You are all truly the best.

Aunt Crystal, thank you for all the laughs, thanks for being an Aunt, a sister, and a best friend all in one, and for teaching me the importance of coffee and good eyebrows. To my OVOC family, thank you for supporting me through aches and pains and stress and rehearsal and letting me into your group, despite being a scared newbie who had no idea what she signed up for. Thank you especially to Janelle Cutuli for getting me back onstage, Ugo Bartell for always having a joke and a smile ready for everyone you come across, especially when we need it backstage, Jim Richards for all the foot rubs after spending too many hours in character shoes, Besty Rainsford for being the sweetest witch I've ever known, and Judy Johnston for having to go through the struggle of teaching me how to sing Over the Rainbow and then letting me into another musical. Thank you to Susan and Bonnie for creating magic out of material and then helping with some of the fastest quick changes ever, Reese and Corina for being my falsie applying make-up gurus, and to every audience member that has ever supported a local theatre production. Getting onstage and performing is a gift to you, the audience, for supporting our endeavors to change lives through make-believe.

Thank you to anyone who ever told me that I couldn't make it in the world, and to everyone who told me I could. Every time I step onto a stage, it is for all of you. And to all the kids at home who wish they were up here right now, all I have to say is this: If the daughter of a drug-addict from Oroville, Washington can make it here and accomplish this, you can to. Prove them wrong, and make it effing happen. Thank you all.


Alexis Olmstead is a 20something living in Okanogan County. She obviously aspires to large things in life and can't wait to get out of this little town and get on with her life. She hopes to pursue an English and Theatre degree, go to Cosmetology school, win a Tony, and one day push for education reform in the United States. For more rants, raves, and award speeches, check back often.

When You See Your Ex at A Bar

So, as you all know, I have an recent ex in my life. And normally, I let sleeping exes lie, or some other cliche about trying to stay the ef away from them so as not to incite drama. But sometimes, sometimes, you're at the bar with your new boyfriend and your best gal pal from middle school and you just got your hair done and you maybe have pounded like three jack and cokes because ohmygod they are delicious, and you walk back in and there he is, sitting at the only open table in the whole place and you make a poor decision. You talk to him.

and he's good with kids

Now you may be thinking to yourself, "Alexis Marie Olmstead, you are a 21 year old woman who is more mature than that. You do not need to degrade yourself to talking to exes in bars to prove how happy you are with your new boyfriend. Also, gurl, way to go on your new boyfriend #areyoudatingamodel?" In which case I would say to you, please don't say hashtag out loud. It is embarrassing for all of us. And also, ohmygosh thank you! I think he's pretty as well.

Okay. Back on topic. I did the dumb thing and tried to make him jealous. Like, we sat four feet from him and danced four feet from him, and uhm....#notimpressedwithmyself. Then when I was closing my tab I ended up standing literally right next to him at the bar. So all of a sudden I decide I care what he thinks and stuff. I don't care about this guy, he's my ex! But like, I totally care. And I'm mad that he didn't fucking fight for me to come back. He just sent me forty seven text messages that said the word "please" over and over again. I can't be with someone who won't fight for me and won't stop fighting with me and who calls my friends banal! Yeah, I literally had all these thoughts over the top of each other and then the room got all spinny and I had to go puke in the nasty bar bathroom. Is my life a sitcom? Am I living in some weird "Truman Show" universe? Please tell me that's what it is and that's why I keep making such shitty decisions and always feel like I'm being set up.

So I talked to this guy, my ex, in the bar and made a lame attempt to make him jealous. And you know what it led to? Nothing good. My best friend came to town to watch me try to make a guy jealous, and my boyfriend was a side player in a weird revenge plot. And then this guy kept making all these accusations, like, "you're totally still into me, and you're regretting your life choices and you're an idiot". But here's the thing. I don't regret leaving a guy who shows up to a bar that he hates but he knows I like, just so he can sit there and make me feel guilty for taking a healthy step in my life. I refuse to be made to feel guilty about things that I do in the search for self-fulfillment. Sometimes that search involves me drinking 8 jack and cokes that I'm pretty sure were doubles and having the worst hangover I've ever had and puking three times on the side of the road while taking a five minute drive to get home, but eventually, that search will end.

So here's the moral of the story: if you see your new-ex in a bar don't talk to him. Nothing good happens and you'll end up with a shame hangover.

Alexis Olmstead is a 20something living in Okanogan County and making questionable life choices. She's pretty happy she started this blog, though.. For more overshares, rants, and pointless opinions, check back often.